Son of BiPolar Expedition - Just Friggin Hilarious!

From emails from crazy people emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/08/03/devil-worship-and-christmas-lights/

Devil Worship And Christmas Lights

Christopher and Heather XXXX
XXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX
Boone, NC 28607

Dear Mr. and Mrs. XXXXX

We are writing to you as members of the Evergreen Homeowner’s Association about a concern that has occupied all our minds since you moved into this neighborhood. We are a congregate group of good Christian and God fearing people. The display you have set up on the outer section of your lot has us a bit concerned as the statue appears to be a type of Pagan worshipping symbol, unlike the other lawn decorations in our neighborhood. Shirley Whitley, a neighbor of yours says that this is a Satanic being and that you may be involved in the Occult. We have all noticed strange goings on around the neighborhood. There are flashing lights in the sky and numerous dead animals in the road. We understand that you are a homeowner, but if you will read your declaration of restrictions, obscene or vulgar displays on your property are not allowed. We insist that you remove this questionable display at once. Our children are not to be influenced by Devil worship and deviant behavior.

Ardna Tyne
For the Evergreen Homeowners Association

June 16, 2002

Dear Ardna (IF that’s your real name),

I am addressing the issue of my Gargoyle which the benevolent homeowners association seems to take offense to.

I will NOT be removing my Gargoyle any time soon. A Gargoyle is an ancient protector of property, and can be seen all over Europe in the architectural structure. I guess the homeowners association hasn’t gotten to them yet. My Gargoyle basically looks like a puppy with wings. Does this frighten you? I can only imagine you screaming in fear when the Snuggles fabric softener bear is speaking to you through your evil television set.

I would like to file a formal complaint about several yards in the neighborhood. The guy down at 152 has grass that’s over two feet tall. What’s he growing in there? The woman at 138 has a saddle and stirrups decorating her mailbox. What is that all about? I, for one, am not a cowboy, do not like cowboys and find it horrifying how the cowboys treated the Indians and Tom Landry. That guy was the only coach they ever had. Once they fired him, he died. Was that fair? I find cowboys to be highly offensive. Don’t get me started on the pink flamingos in the Whitley yard.

As for the flashes of light in the sky, that’s lightning, you idiot. Have you noticed at about the same time the wicked sky lights are flashing, there are evil drops of liquid falling from the sky? We are in a drought. I would think rain would make you thankful.

As far as the dead animals go, you idiots don’t know how to drive on the winding mountain roads. That is called ROADKILL. If you will notice, these are squirrels and rabbits that just walk in front of you as you drive down the mountain with your retired tunnelvisionist eyes glaring straight ahead.

We live at the top of this mountain. Your friends and neighbors cannot even see my house for all the trees surrounding it, so there is no need for you to freak out over my lawn stuff. I will not be moving things, so take whatever action you feel is necessary.

See you in hell,

Love,

Chris XXXXX

Christopher and Heather XXXX
XXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXX:X
Boone, NC 28607

October 25, 2002

Dear Mr .and Mrs. XXXXX

We are writing to you again, not on the issue of your gargoyle, which you are determined not to remove from display in our neighborhood, but on the issue of your Christmas lights.

Are you aware that it is not yet November? You apparently put up Christmas lights the second week of this month and insist on plugging them in nightly. We can all see your glowing display late into the night over the mountain horizon. It is keeping several of us awake at night and we do not appreciate such flagrant non-adherence to the Association rules. Page six of your Homeowner’s Association guidelines specifically states that the neighborhood shall remain seasonal, with holiday displays not to be presented in a period greater than two weeks prior or after said holiday.

Your lights are a distraction to visitors. An acquaintance who works at Boone Airport has said that your lights are obnoxious and a turn-off to visitors who land at the airport. If this is an attempt to retaliate against us for the gargoyle incident, we are becoming increasingly annoyed with your behavior. Legal action may be necessary to either A) force you to move out of our
once peaceful neighborhood or B) obtain a court ordered fine for your continuing defiance of our rules and regulations.

If you think we will back down on this issue, as we did on the issue of your gargoyle, you are sadly mistaken.

In addition, we are disturbed by the constant removal of trees from your property. Sunday morning is not a proper time for you to operate your chainsaw. Our community prides itself on the beautiful forestry that surround our neighborhood and we are determined to stop you from ruining the scenery. Please leave our trees alone!

Ardna Tyne
For the Evergreen Homeowners Association

November 4, 2002

Dear Ardna (I just can’t believe that is your name),

I AM aware of the date. If this neighborhood is like the last one I lived in, you will not be putting up lights at all, no matter what the date is. The last neighborhood, I was the only house on the street to put up lights, as it is Siberian-like weather here in December, perhaps the reason no one puts up lights.

Why do you care that my lights are up? Again, I live at the top of the mountain and nobody can even see my house. If it keeps you awake at night, close your freakin’ windows and quit peering out them like Mrs. Kravitz. I am not up here for your amusement. If you want a show, I will be I glad to give you one on New Year’ s Eve, otherwise, QUIT LOOKIN’ MY WAY .

I will not be taking down my lights because of your meek little letter, as it took me 10 days to put them all up. Page six of the guidelines also is the reference page that my gargoyle fell into. I am officially tearing page six out of my guidelines and wiping my ass with it. I will then post it to the tree nearest my mailbox for all your visitors to see. Feel free to take it down and examine it or use it as evidence against my in your little lawsuit.

Did someone really fly into Boone International Airport? Did they really complain about my lights? If so, then I obtained my goal. Someone noticed my lights and I gave the one person who flies into that parking lot something to go home and tell their friends about. Why did you back off on my gargoyle? Did someone tell you your letter to me, coming off as an inbred Christian fanatic was posted all over the internet, and read by many, many people? I got more feedback from people I don’t even know telling me to sue YOU for civil rights violations than you would know.

As for the trees I plunked down $140,000.00 for this house and the acre of property that goes with it. These are MY trees, and I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about what you think about me cutting them down. Aren’t you in church on Sunday Morning, rescuing the world from
gargoyle-bearing heathens? The way I see it, this is the BEST time for me to cut down my trees. There are over 300 trees on my property and I will cut them all down if I wish. Then you will have a better view of my house, my gargoyle and my feces smeared page six of the Homeowner’s Association rules and regulations nailed to the one tree I will leave standing.

Oh, and I’m not done putting up lights yet. Enjoy.

As always, love,

Chris XXXXX
The Satan loving, electricity burning tree killer.

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Stem Cell Jesus Loves You

From Emails From Crazy People..again....emailsfromcrazypeople.com/category/nutters/

The thing I wonder as I read this is whether Stem Cell Jesus, Embryo Jesus, and Embryo God are interchangeable with Regular Jesus and Regular God, or if they’re sort of the Muppet Babies of Christianity.

(Kim's note: RCIA doesn't mean Roman Catholic Intelligence Agency. It stands for Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults. It is a program to convert to Catholocism, by use of Scripture and Catholic teachings, ending in Baptism, Confirmation, Penance and receiving of First Holy Communion.)

Dear future Saint,

Thank you for all your hard work and giving so much of your time and love to this needy world. Please forgive the SPAM. Jesus might ask me at my judgment why didn’t you send e-mails. Unrepented parents are truly “the poorest of the poor” when abortion strikes.

Stem cell Jesus communion shall never come close to the solid food of the body and blood communion, but we need to defend life against the impossible evils of abortion with impossible prayers to God’s mercy. Unification prayer for Catholic and non-catholic, dear Holy Spirit please help me breathe in stem cell Jesus and Mother Mary with each breath. We must keep asking God for mercy like the widow in the Gospel who asked the judge for mercy.

Our 1 billion martyred babies (40 years world wide) shall not die in vain. Dear, sweet, loving Holy Spirit with each breath help us ALL breathe in stem cell God and breathe out stem cell Jesus, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Breathe in stem cell God by the mercy of our Holy Spirit and breathe out sin…

“We Know that all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now;” Ro 8: 22

“We are the body of Christ” and pregnate with embryo Christ!

“Let us (embryonic stem cell God in the Immaculate Conception) make man (embryos) in our image, after our likeness.” Gn 1, 26 Our Father (God) shall do all good things. Vote Pro-Life!

Dear Lover’s of Embryo God,

I painted the incarnation, B.C. changing into A.D. in 1996 and the idea for stem cell Jesus communion came from the divided ovum of Mary looking like a divided host at mass. Many schools have replaced B.C. (Before Christ) and A.D. (in the year of our Lord) with B.C.E. and C.E. (Common Era) in their text books. If you go to my web-site www.embryojesus.com under First Joyful Mystery you can see the artwork or see attachment. Negative can be changed to positive by the grace of God, as the death of Jesus changed to positive at the Resurrection. Abraham Lincoln changed a negative two year Civil War into a positive just war when he emancipated the slaves in 1863. The bloody abortion war can to be changed into a just war by unifying catholic and non-catholic thru stem cell God communion.

By the power of the holy Spirit please help us all breathe in embryo God and breathe out sin. Stem cell Jesus Christ conceived by the holy Spirit in union with the rainbow heart of God, blessed fruit of the Virgin Mary’s ovum, save us, heal us, feed us and help us respond to your perfect love. Thank you holy Spirit for changing the fruit of the earth, Mary’s ova into embryo Jesus. Dear holy Spirit please change all our food at the moment of consumption into stem cell Jesus communion. Dear holy Spirit please change all our drinking water at consumption into “the living water” inside of our personal savior stem cell Jesus and help us turn away from sin and the forbidden fruit of sterilization. Pre-born babies martyred for the faith of stem cell God feeding tube, desire repentance and unification with their parents, converted from pro-death. This new way of looking at the Eucharist is a feeding tube for born and pre-born. Solid food “the Body of Christ” can be obtained thru R.C.I.A.. Hail stem cell Jesus and hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art

thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, embryo Jesus… Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Thy most sacred heart of fetus Jesus have mercy on us!

Immaculate heart of embryo Mary pray for us!

Please pray for my mother MXXXXXXXXXX, father BXXXXXXXXX and souls and all the souls of the faithly departed.

Fetus Mary help us pray the rosary daily!

www.embryojesus.com

Stem cell God bless and thank you for reading this prayer.

B. MXXXXXXXXX